My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
