woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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