i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
