that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
