I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
