the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
be right there i have to get my cape
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
