this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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