I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
