If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize