I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
