i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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