So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
