i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
