My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
