I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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