First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
