You just made me feel so damn special
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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