We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
