He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
