dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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