Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize