It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
