Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
