She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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