who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
