Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
