whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
