PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
