Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
