he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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