I will die if light touches me.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The adults are the big ones right?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
