Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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