Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
