We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just threw up on my dentist
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
