Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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