mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
