It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
