Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
