I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
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I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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