feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
