the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
this will be a night to untag.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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