Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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