so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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