hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
