I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
