an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I have already put on my inside pants.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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