i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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