the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize