i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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