Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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