well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
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You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
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Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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