turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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