we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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