We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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