He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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