So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So much Jack, so little girl.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
