Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
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I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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