I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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