? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
