nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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